Thursday, March 25, 2010

HURT'N LOCKER





Alright. You know I'm a hater, so I guess I'm expected to go off on a rant here, but you know what? I actually enjoyed the Hurt locker. It was entertaining and got my heart beating fast which is what it's all about right? But adrenaline rush or not, I will admit I felt very confused by this movie.
I don't usually give a flying fuck about the Oscars, but I did happen to watch them this year out of pure indifference- and was amazed by how much attention and praise this movie got!
Avatar was pretty good (you'll notice there has been no Avatar hatin' on this blog) - and still the Hurt Locker came first many times that night! WTF?!
I decided then and there that i must see this movie.
Well, after 90 minutes of 'splosions and shooting, I found myself wondering if someone was going to jump in front of the camera at the end and say "JUST KIDDING!!"

In summary, the movie is basically a combination of UFC and Team America...except serious, and seriously obnoxious!
I really thought that with the whole eliminate President Bush...charge 5 cents for a plastic bag...nominate women for Oscars...black president thing going on in North America these days, that we'd gotten over being overly macho tools.
APPARENTLY NOT. It's not that the movie itself is bad, the cinematography is sharp, the acting is half decent and the plot is ok? That's not the issue, the issue is that we're caught up in the drama of a poor lonely soldier who, at first a mystery to the rest...we will slowly learn has great bomb disarmng skills...when that really doesnt matter compared to the real story here- which is:
we're cheering for a few jaded psychopaths who are stuck in a desert blowing up "enemies" and they have NO fucking clue why they're there! In the movies' deffense, I did notice that they had addressed some of the redundancy of the whole war, and I'm sure that spoke to many in society, but still every association made with anyone who wasnt a American soldier was narrow minded and condescending at best. THAT attitude is what is the joke to me, that's what is still very much alive in America. And it scares the shit out of me.
Anyway, we do love entertainment, so as long as you can seperate the suicide bombers with the UFC triangle holds, enjoy yourselves-


Thursday, March 18, 2010

Gimee the loot!




Getting robbed is never really something you expect to happen to you..especially on a really busy street corner, walking with your friend and a bike on a tuesday night.
I want to say first- that I ALMOST was mugged by four (4) guys (who were really not helping to stop any stereo types) but wasnt in the end - and am very.. very lucky.
But I mean, what the fuck Toronto- these guys were amateurs.
I actually had to stop halfway between - "hey stop bitches" and "how much loot you got in your bag" and wonder to myself, hang on, am i getting fucking robbed here? or hit on, or what...
BAD FORM, THIEVES
If you're actually going to rob someone, dont stand around and chat about it. I have shit I could be doing.


....Second: Repeatedly saying things like "dont make me make a scene" and "i've done this before ok" arent really that scary.
In fact, the more you're saying it, the less I believe you and the more i think you're a gigantic vagina. Hence: Mugging failure.

Third: I literally took out my wallet, opened it and showed it to these four fine gentlemen, explaining that I didnt have any cash, and therefor they were robbing the wrong people. They proceded to stare at the wallet like it was something on display in a fucking infomercial.
C'MON. If you were really that desperate, you would've snatched it out of my hand like crack to a crack head. Or grocery coupons to a senior..


Over all, i give this mugging attempt 2.6 /10 on the afraid-o-meter.