Oh! The List continues..
10) Soft foods: As we all know, teeth are one of the more precious and temporary things in life. No one gets that like seniors, that's why they stock up on apple sauce, soup and anything mashed!
11) Coupons: These discount dwellers aren't about to pass up the 30% off saver section in the paper. If you're a cashier at somewhere like No Frills or Zellers I feel bad for you.
12) Cooking/Baking: Old people (the ladies in particular) are WICKED cooks/bakers. It's just inherent in their oldness...don't ask questions.
13) Bridge: they will destroy you at Bridge or rummy or bingo or scrabble. Don't you even TRY it.
14) Getting Ripped off: NOBODY falls for Infomercials like Old people. Is that karma for being such brutal drivers? I dont know...just saying.
15) Practicality over fashion: One thing you learn above all when you get saggy in so many different ways is that your midevil Fashion techniques hurt you in ways no 20 year old could EVER UNDERSTAND. Rock those high wasted panties and orthopaedic shoes babe'ma, you've earned it.
16) Florida: WHAT THE FUCK IS IN FLORIDA THAT OLD PEOPLE LOVE SO MUCH?!!?!?! This is the greatest senior mystery of all, but I cant help but think that I must be missing out... So let's see: It's sunny, there's an entire land of people dressed up like cartoon characters with its own currency...there are delicious oranges and it's a city with a population of roughly half criminals and half retired golfin' types. Sounds about right!
17) Cats: MEWOUR!!!! I think the main reason that old people like to own several/have pictures of/live for/die for their cats is they're basically the animal version of a Senior Citizens!
- They nap (a lot..)
- Keep things tidy
- Prefer soft/wet food
- Have hair in weird places
- can't drive
etc, etc.. And you know what, I have respect for that connection- it's lovely.
18) Golf: YOU'RE RETIRED!! WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS THERE TO DO!
Honestly though, Golf courses are great, it's one of the only enclosed areas where its socially acceptable to move as slow/drive as badly/get up as early as old people do. Plus, since the golfers are so well spread out on the course, you can get away with that hearing loss problem!
19) Senior citizen organizations ie: Tours are cute because it's like a buddy system for the elderly.
There are two common times in life when you have the freedom/money to travel the world. One is around the college years, and the other is (you guessed it) AFTER you've had/gotten rid of your 4 kids,been through two divorces and have finally retired from the job you'e hated for the past 38 years, you can finally go see the Eiffel tower! GET OUT THERE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!
20) Seminars on various things: Now that they have all of this free time, they can finally learn how to properly assemble flower arrangements..or paint a self portrait. What? Thats nice.
21) The Church: Much like the bingo hall, discount stores, golf courses and retirement homes; the Church is a "Senior Safe Zone". Plus, you cant out-religious an old person... They've got all the hymns memorized, know all the priest personally (if you know what i mean..) and probably have more guilt than you thought humanly possible!
22) Perms and Short Haircuts (to the elderladies' ): I'm not sure what they have against long, straight hair..but these foxes are all about short, curly, stinky, chemically, crusty, greyish fucking hair! Whatever it is, it's hot and KEEP DOING IT
23) Napping: In section 167 of the life manual: You are entitled to unlimited napping after age 55.
24) Dentures
25) Plenty of Fibre
26) Being Thoughtful
27) Swiss Chalet
28) TV Guides
29) Book Clubs
30) Literally having Tea parties
31) Vaporizers
32) Small China trinkets
33) Over Sized Sunglasses (but not in the Hollywood, fashion forward kind of way)
34) Having trouble with ANY kind of technology
35) Opaque Stockings
36) Suspenders
37) Tic Tacs
38) Hanker chiefs
39) Gentle Swear words..for example: "dear me" "oh dear" "goodness gracious"
40) A glass of warm milk
41) Mild/Moderate exercise
42) Complaining:
